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Julie Answers: How do I come to terms my dad’s death?
Nell’s question: My dad died when I was seven months old. I’m now almost twenty. I’m still not over it and don’t know how I ever will be. I feel jealous when I see others with their fathers, like I’ve been cheated. I don’t have a dad to walk me down the aisle or watch my kids grow up, and that makes me never want to get married or have kids. I’ve grown up without him but I still have a massive hole in my life. I can’t really talk about him because of how upset I get.
Dear Nell,
It is very sad for a child of any age to lose a parent. And there’s no way to measure what kind of loss brings the most sadness. Of course, people who have their parents until adulthood are the luckiest, but they still grieve the loss when their parent dies after having lived a good, long life.
To lose a parent anytime in childhood is to feel that something essential has been taken away from you. Whether the loss happens when you are fifteen, ten, five, or one year old — at each age, the loss brings its own kind of pain.
And yours is a particular kind of loss. Like you say, when your parent is taken before you even have a chance to know them at all, it leaves a massive hole in your life that nothing and no one else can fill.
