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Julie Answers: How do I control my anger enough to be able to communicate?
Tina asked: I am happy in my relationship, but I struggle to communicate with my partner when I am upset or sad about something. Since I can’t express myself, I tend to push my partner away. I have so much built up, but I stay quiet, which leads to more arguments. Overthinking happens so much in my relationship where my thoughts are all over the place and I cannot think right and I want to fix my problems I just do not know how.
Dear Tina,
I’m glad that you are taking this first step in reaching out to get some guidance on how to improve this situation, both for yourself and in your relationship. I am guessing that it all feels hopelessly locked together — your struggle to communicate, the confusing and never-ending “loop” of thoughts and emotions that go through your mind as you try to identify exactly what it is you are feeling, and the frustration when you try to express yourself and it only makes your thoughts more muddled.
A very first step in the process of resolving this problem is to clarify for yourself what you are feeling and what you need. This needs to happen within your own mind before you can begin to communicate it to your partner. Trying to figure out what you are feeling, what you want to say, and how to say it cannot be combined into one step…
