Julie Answers: How do I overcome my anxiety about coming out?

Julie Borden
6 min readOct 14, 2021
Photo by Shingi Rice on Unsplash

Elly asked: How do I overcome feeling anxious about telling the people in my life that I am dating a girl? My girlfriend wants me (she/her) to stop hiding our relationship; only my immediate family knows. How should I mentally prepare for this change? Additionally, I am already a very private person, so I rarely tell my friends personal matters, making this even more difficult. I know my close friends from when I attended a religious elementary school, so once I tell them, this news will likely spread very fast, and I imagine attending community events will be uncomfortable from that point forward. I am torn between my relationship and my privacy. I would hate for this to be the reason why our relationship fails, but I have been dreading this moment since I knew I was queer.

Dear Elly,

Wow, I can only imagine how scary it feels to have come to this crossroads, this potential turning point. No matter the situation, just the idea that the time has come to face an experience you have been dreading …That is a daunting prospect and is a huge weight to bear. Here are a few things to reflect on as you contemplate that.

You said only your immediate family knows you are queer and dating a girl. Does that mean they are supportive? I would be very happy to hear that they are, that you are not in the…

--

--

Julie Borden

Social worker, therapist, reader, writer, head-in-the-clouds dreamer, awed by most everything. (She/her) Reach me at JulieBordenLCSW@gmail.com.