Julie Answers: How do I stop toxic thoughts?

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Joanie asked: The thoughts go in my head and just start stewing. They become more than I can handle. I have had depression and anxiety since childhood. I grew up in an emotionally abusive household. Never suicidal but do have (self) harmful thoughts.

Dear Joanie,

You are doing the right thing in reaching out and seeking help, because it is terrible to be stuck in your own mind with toxic thoughts. It’s like being stuck inside with a roommate who is mean to you, except this roommate never leaves.

I’d like to start by making the connection between your history of emotional abuse and your intrusive thoughts. I’m sure you have already made that connection, as well as connecting the abuse with your depression and anxiety. But it can be helpful to understand more about how these patterns get created. When I talk to people about the impact of trauma on the brain, I often tell them that current research tells us what is ultimately good news but might sound like bad news at first. The bad news, or scary-to-know part is that more and more brain studies are showing that trauma has a real impact on brain development and neural pathways, an impact that can actually be seen on brain scans. Sounds disturbing, right? To have it confirmed that these thoughts aren’t just “in your head” (or at least aren’t voluntary thoughts that you…