Julie Answers: How do you get over your father walking out on you at an early age?

Photo by Sayan Ghosh on Unsplash

Kyle asked: My parents divorced when I was around five years old. My father was around until I was about eleven. That’s when he remarried and had another child. He became nonexistent in my childhood from that point on.

Hi Kyle,

I’d like to start by saying that reaching out and beginning to explore how you can heal from this loss is such an important first step, and I commend you for taking it. There is a saying that the only way out is through, and that is so true in the case of grieving over needs that a parent did not meet in your childhood. Sometimes it seems too painful to look at the experience and feel all of the emotions associated with it. A person might be inclined to insist, in their own mind and to others, that the loss did not affect them. But it is only in acknowledging the impact it did have on them that healing can begin.

Let’s reflect on the deeper meaning behind your question. What you are asking is: How can you move forward in your life as free as possible from any negative and untrue beliefs that you are still carrying from this experience? When children are born and as they grow, they have an innate sense of their fundamental right to care and nurturing. When that need is not met, their limited ability to reason can only conclude one…