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Julie Answers: Is it wrong for the mother of a disabled child to put more effort into that child?
Katie asked: My husband says I put more time and effort into our disabled child than I give to him or my other child. I try my best to give my other child as much attention as I can, but my disabled child takes more of my attention and energy. I don’t know how to balance my attention, be a good wife, and a good mother to both of my kids.
Dear Katie,
Your question is a huge one, and of course one that does not have any easy answers. But that doesn’t mean there are not possible answers, or partial solutions, ways to improve the situation and work toward everyone in your family getting their needs met.
On one hand, there is the question of what it means to divide your attention equally. The definition of fairness is that everyone gets what they need, not that everyone gets exactly the same thing. Each of your family members — your spouse, your disabled child, and your other child — need different kinds of attention from you. I think a more in-depth discussion with your spouse could give you more clarity. What exactly do they specifically mean by “time and effort”? It might seem obvious, just as it might when you reference attention and energy. Time, effort, attention, energy — these are all finite resources, and you are correct that…
