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Julie Answers: Is something wrong with me?
Gary asked: I am a 28-year-old male, I was adopted as a kid and I’ve been told I have abandonment issues. I’ve been physically abusive on a few occasions with women that I’ve loved. I would like to try to get to the root of the moments of violence and really try to fix the problem so I can live a healthy and happy life for me, my son and future family.
Dear Gary,
I want to start by saying that your willingness to admit that this is a serious problem that cannot continue is a huge and important first step. Your commitment to overcoming this destructive behavior was clearly strong in the moment you decided to write in and ask this question, and I’m sure it has been equally strong in many other moments as well. The key to successfully making long term changes and remaining committed to managing conflicts without aggression lies in developing the skills and self-awareness that will allow you to stay rooted in that mental state no matter what happens. I am guessing that after an episode of violence, probably some or all of the following thoughts have gone through your mind:
“I can’t believe I did that.”
“What is wrong with me?”
“Why did I lose control?”
“I acted without thinking.”
