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Julie Answers: What is the best way to respond to triggers and save my relationship?
Lucas asked: I’ve been sabotaging my relationship for months now due to my reacting poorly to triggers. I don’t know how to communicate well. I have been trying to talk to my partner, but I can’t articulate my feelings very well and it’s causing distance and disconnection. I feel anxious and sad sometimes because we used to be in a great place. Whenever something triggers me and reminds me of the mistreatment I’ve experienced in the past, he sees a side of me I want to let go of. I want to be happy and feel confident with myself but currently I just feel like I’m such a negative energy for people to be around.
Dear Lucas,
It has got to be so frustrating to see yourself reacting in ways that don’t reflect who you truly are. I mean, we all have different versions of ourselves, including past selves that still live inside of us. But it sounds like you know how the deepest, truest part of you feels today about yourself and your relationship. But then you find yourself reacting to your partner in ways that are not consistent with this deepest self.
It sounds like you have some experience with therapy and/or have sought out other sources of education and insight about psychology, and why we humans often find ourselves acting in ways that contradict what we…
