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Julie Answers: Why do I feel sick when someone rejects me?
Nora asked: Why do I feel sick when someone rejects me as a partner? I have so much self-doubt that I can’t be myself. I feel that I have been used by people repeatedly. I always have the same pattern in relationships. They leave me with low self-esteem. Looking back, I feel that I have betrayed myself by not setting limits on how someone can treat me.
Dear Nora,
Many people hold a deep fear of being rejected by others — whether by partners, friends, groups, cliques in the workplace, etc. I don’t need to tell you that rejection is one of the most painful experiences a person can have. And being rejected in the arena of dating and romance often feels like the worst of the worst.
When you say that rejection hurts so much it makes you feel sick, you are not alone, and you are not imagining it. Brain-imaging studies show that when subjects thought about an experience of rejection, there was activity in the same areas of the brain that are activated when we experience physical pain. It truly is a mind-body, all-consuming experience.
Having acknowledged all that, I will try to use this answer to unpack some of the reasons why romantic rejection is as painful as it is. Understanding the reasons behind it does not erase the pain, of course. But I have found that it can help to…
