Julie Answers: Why is it so hard to communicate my feelings to my significant other?

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Rachelle asked: I always have a difficult time trying to figure out my thoughts and emotions. I sometimes feel numb and do not know how I am feeling half of the time. When my significant other is trying to have a conversation and asks me how I feel about certain things I almost always say I don’t know. I feel like I need a long time — it could be a few minutes, hours, or even days — to figure out how to respond to them. Me not knowing how I feel causes arguments in the relationship. I wish I could be more in tune with my emotions and communicate how I am feeling right then and there.

Dear Rachelle,

Before I go on to talk about emotions — identifying, understanding, and expressing them — I would like to ask you to reflect a bit on your current relationship with your significant other. Since you are focusing specifically on the challenge you have expressing your feelings to them, I wonder if could be because, 1. This is the most significant relationship in your life right now and so resolving this issue is essential, and therefore a top priority; 2. Sometimes a partner in a romantic relationship will ask for/demand emotional transparency in a way that other people in your life do not; or 3. If you identify this as a pervasive problem in your life in other relationships besides…